stop attracting d-bags

first day of work today. and PHEW! they don't call it work for nothin!! i'm beat. so, with the help of one of my very oldest and dearest friends, i stumbled upon this very fabulous post on sliceofstyle that is OBVS very important to SMYLA.

so, thank youuuu miss jessie tallent for allowing CMBlog to present.......

Ladies everywhere, no matter how they’re dressed, have the ability to attract a few douchebags with little effort. However, there are certain looks, brands and silhouettes that are sure to send unnaturally muscular, heavily tanned and offensively cologned men your way. To help steer single women away from such a disaster, we present you with 12 Outfits That are Sure to Attract a Douchebag.

1.

Nothing says Mrs. Douchebag like a sinfully busy Ed Hardy Tee. With an equally busy name, the Shoulder Tank True Love Anchor Cross (whew!), is among the better looking designs we could find. Designer Christian Audigier’s name is emblazoned on the top three times, which isn’t such a bad thing because it takes the attention away from the lacing along the shoulder.

2.

There is just something about rhinestones that attracts douchebags with magnetic force. The Rhinestone 3/4 Sleeved Dress’s glimmering strips along the arms and bold eggplant color, will draw him in. The deep V neck and body hugging skirt will keep him around….for the night.

3.

One way to attract a few class acts is to wear a top that talks about your boobs. This tank by Hustler Clothing calls attention to the authenticity of your rack – even better! The Women’s Plastic Beater explains that you dropped some serious cash on breast augmentation. But really, the underlying statement screams: “I’m serious about finding love a douchebag.”

4.

While we’ve come to terms with jumpsuits and rompers after seeing a few truly chic versions, this one is all sorts of wrong. This type of high keyhole neckline always manages to raise a few douche flags. Pair that with the romper style, bold elastic waistline and leopard print and the chances of attracting jaeger bomb wielding gents increases significantly.

5.

Banded bottom tops and dresses seem to have a hard time remaining tasteful. The Deep V Neck Top from Baby Phat is no exception. Of course, the dangerously deep neckline adorned with a ‘cat in a heart’ hardware doesn’t help its respectability factor. A gold screen printed pattern featuring rhinestones completes the douchebag friendly look.

6.

Sequins, pyramid shaped studs and embroidered lips on the back pockets. Need we say more? The (exclusive) Rebel Kiss RZR Jean by Akademiks also feature some serious color distressing and a slim, slouchy leg. Unfortunately, there are few tops that would bring down the douche-hunting factor of these jeans down a notch.

7.

The Rock n Roll Paradise Oversized Dress by Trash & Luxury has all the makings of a douche-tacular night at the club. The tapered, banded skirt allows for maximum booty popping while the extra wide sleeves take fist pumping to the next level. We’d address the print, but other than a few stars and stripes, we have absolutely no idea what’s going on here.

8.

Coordinating velour sweatsuits have been winning the hearts of comfort-loving douchebags for years now. No brand can create a cheesy (or cougar-friendly) version quite like Juicy Couture. The Horse Shield Logo Hoodie (pants sold separately) does not disappoint. Gold and silver sequins and an equestrian-inspired logo shield add just the right amount of “pizazz” to an already struggling ensemble.

9.

Take a menswear-inspired shirt (very of the moment), slut it up with copious amounts of ruffles, puffed sleeves and leave several buttons undone. What do you get? A professional douche’s dream. Don’t let the Ruffle-Front Shirt from Victoria’s Secret as seen here with suspenders fool you – worn in this manner – it is not an office-friendly look.

10.

Leggings solid or patterned, cropped or long will once again be a staple come fall. This pair, featuring the word “Sinful” along the front, most certainly will not. Called the Panther Crawl Leggings, we’re assuming that is the name of the move you’ll be inclined to do after slipping them on. We can picture it now: sinful little ladies crawling around growling like a feline in order to attract a douche in heat.

11.

Rocker chic cutouts at the shoulders, sides and sleeves are in the spotlight right now. This version is just a tiny bit confused. An appropriately placed cutouts done right (and preferably by Alexander Wang or Vena Cava), can transform a piece from basic to edgy. The Mock Neck Cold Shoulder Sweater, with its ‘faux’ turtleneck and banded bottom is more barfly chic than rock and roll.

12.

Momma always said, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” This shirt may only be offering hugs, but when you attract a douchebag, one hug leads to another and before you know it you’re making out during The Fast and the Furious Part 5. The Free Hugs French Terry Hoodie from Victoria’s Secret’s Pink Collection may be somewhat cute, but this series as a whole (particularly the butt messages) seem to attract more douchebags than a two for one sale at Hollywood Tans.

turkeyturkeyturkey

had an amazing weekend in NYC.

the kind where maybe we could have been anywhere because it was filled with so much time with just good friends, but then again it HAD to be new york because of the amazing brunch deals, live improv by people just itching to jump to SNL, sights to be seen just walking around (hello rockefeller christmas tree that clearly ate some other trees while it was getting so big and strong), ridiculously funny and musicals with ridiculously talented... and cute... actors (altar boyz) that make your face hurt from smiling the whole performance, and then tiny grocery stores that everyone hits up sunday night, as did we for a family-esque dinner.

dare i say we were preparing for the holiday??

i cooked... errrr "cooked" this salad from my friend's healthygirlcooking blog... and we also had some DANK cheesy, sour creamy, potatoey deliciousness, topped with corn flakes of course. mmmmmm.



good food. good times. good people.

nnneewwwww yooooorrrrrkkkkkk!

i'm going to take this week as a holiday week seeing that i'm going back to raleighwood (or rollywood, if you please) tuesday... and plan on being in a food coma from then until Sunday.

i'll take some pics of fashion tragedies as i come across them (you can hit them with a stick, really you can) in good ole' north cackylacky.

i leave you with some holiday cheer, CMBlog style:

a well dressed turkey, and a new favorite saying that i found at a vineyard in western virginia that will help me, and maybe you too, get through the holidays

did i say well dressed? oops! i meant undressed :)

happy holidays you beautiful people you!!!!

loves it / hates it

LOVE the sartorialist

... a fashion blog. amazing fashion he sees on the streets in amazing cities. this happened in paris. i love paris. i love chunky gladiator heels. i love that besties are totally allowed to switch shoes if/when necessary.

i am going to start doing this around dc...NOT switching shoes, but taking photos of peeps i see on the sidewalks: but as much with amazing fashion as with horrendous fashion, then i'll give tips on how to stop making themselves less attractive... but not right then and there... that'd be way harsh (Tai)... here on CMBlog. duhhhh mcgee.

LOVE aerial views of highway ramps

i mean, it looks like a four leaf clover!!?!?!!! is that good luck or what?!

i know this was supposed to be something i hate, but i can't... i'm just having such a great day!! i got a J-O-B today!!!! that's right, someone wants to pay me to see me everyday.

i don't charge y'all anything and you get to have a little bit of me in your life everyday. LUCKY YOU... or should i say aerial view of highway ramps YOU!?!?!

eyebrows are everything, part deux

stop making yourself less attractive and STOP over... er... WRONGLY (word??) plucking your eyebrows!!!

did you know that the thicker your eyebrows are, the YOUNGER you look?

tis true.

so, if makeup is supposed to be invisible, like lauren hutton said, then when you pluck your eyebrows into crazy unnatural shapes, you're just essentially just screaming out how much work and effort you're putting into looking good- but here's the kicker- it doooesssnnn'tttt look good!

common bad brow mistakes:

OVERPLUCKING


try and ignore the overplumped lips and heavy black eye makeup, to just see how with a thicker brow she would look more natural, and more beauuutiful!

EARLY ARCH (which i prefer to call "sperm brows" because doesn't that just look like the cutest li'l spermie wormie?!?!)

here what she needs to do to correct this, is let her eyebrows grow in right past the bulbous beginning, so that she can create a smooth arch, and then surprisingly enough she would need to pluck the top of her brows in the center, to really emphasize the arch.

now here is a GREAT arch:


whyyy is it great? it's uniform in shape, from beginning to end, and it follows this rule:

now WHERE the arch should be is up for debate... i've seen the line drawn like this, from the tip of the nose through the pupil, or i've seen it drawn from the same point outside the nostril through the pupil, or through the outer iris... in ANY case, the brows should start right above your eye and end right outside it, using this method. get a pencil... or anything straight and measure 'em... NOW!

more to come... there's ALWAYS more to come when it comes to eyebrows.

why??? because eyebrows are EVERYTHING.

menswear watches

i love my menswear watches.

i don't even realllly know why. they're a great conversation starter, for one. two, is that mine are specifically easy to wear because they have stretchy bands... which is great for me because i can slip them on and off but i can imagine anyone with more than a little arm hair might not enjoy the pinching that would inevvvvvitably occur. three is that they match EVERYTHING (slash match nothing) because they're a statement on their own...

and mine just happen to be available for the valued price of $27.00 at a very small, local boutique... i doubt you've heard of it... wal-mart.

i don't have to tell you that i also may or may not have this in silver and silver and gold... i'm sure you can tell that with high quality craftmanship like that i couldn't live without ALL of them!!! (and HELLO it's a digi-watch... those gosh darn analog clocks are SO HARD to read sometime... monica geller, back me up)

another fabulous, more male-specific, more picture-based, blog, youhavebrokentheinternet, did a li'l post on gold watches as well... guess who was ahead of her time... or maybe, since i love old mens' watches am i behind the times???

whatevahhh DEAL WIT IT. my watch is now hip. eeeeee!!!!

shoeart

mmmmmmm CL's. C.Loubs. Loubies. christian louboutins.

in insanely leg-lengthening nude.

with red soles. BUT OF COURSE.

shoeart.

one of my verrry favvvorite kinds of art.

art you can wear... or just drool over until the time comes when you find that it's absolutely necessary to drain your savings to invest in something truly beautiful.

mmmmmmmm shoeart.

still a hottie, lauren hutton

That's the mistake women make - you shouldn't see your makeup. We don't want to look like we've made an effort.

- Lauren Hutton

lauren hutton is the epitome of aging gracefully. i remember flipping through a j.crew catalogue and my mom pointing her out as such, and giving her kudos for keeping the gap in her teeth.

anyway, when ms. hutton returned to the modeling world at the age of 46 she realized that most makeup was being primarily advertised to, and made for younger women with heavy textures, bright colors and lots of shimmer that, as she put it, "act like airport runway lights in every line, wrinkle or pore, saying 'Look over here!'" so she created her own line of makeup.

now i haven't actually played with her makeup, but i can only imagine that it is as high quality as lauren hutton is timeless.

if you too are over the age of 46, and looking for a few new products, or ready to re-vamp your entire routine, you should definitely try a few products! i mean, just look at the before and afters below.... again with the makeovers- i just LOVE 'EM!!!

what i love (and a sign that this a great line) is that the first step to purchasing any product is determining your skin tone, so that you aren't blindly buying something totally wrong for you.

here's a little excerpt to juuuust wet your whistle:

Pink (Light)

Before After
If you are very fair, burn before you tan, and your skin has pink or porcelain under tones you should choose pink.

Yellow (Light or Medium)

Before After

If you are Caucasian and have beige or yellow undertones you should choose Yellow. Asian or Light Mixed Race also fall into Yellow. Most Caucasian women fall into Yellow so if you are unsure select Yellow, like Lauren.

Olive (Medium)

Before After
If you are Mediterranean, Latino, a Fair-skinned African American, or dark mixed-race, then you should choose Olive.

Brown (Dark)

Before After
If you are African American, deep complexioned Indian or any other dark skin color then you should choose Brown.

celebs sans makeup

i looooove seeing what celebs look like without makeup on!

i mean, you get both the thrill of a makeover experience, ANDDD a confidence boost because, hey, they look like butt too when they wake up in the morning!!!

what can we learn from these pics of kim kardashian?

1. under eye concealer is uuber important to making you look more awake and purdy

2. face foundation to even out skin tone is key

3. blush is a must to look ALIVE and well

4. you can contour your eyes into any shape you please with the right makeup and know-how!

and what can we learn from these pics?

1. clearly, she knows she's looking busted, she's all embarrassed to be seen. SO, if you know you're in public looking rough, throw on a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses. instantly chic.

2. even though tanning is bad... keep it real. a tan makes you look healthy! go find a great bronzer.

3. and then use it to CONTOUR your face! see how she's used bronzer UNDER her cheekbones and highlighter on TOP?? ingenious. be careful to make all of this application soft so you don't look dirty :)

4. if you're going to lighten your hair, realize that the bleaching process dries your hair out and thus you must moisturize that much more often and intensely.

compare her hair quality in the two un-madeup pics, and you can see the blonder hair is clearly more fried. get a deep conditioner to use once a week in the shower.

right when you get in the shower, shampoo, then apply the deep conditioner all over, then put on a shower cap and let it soak in while you do everything else. make sure that lasts at least fifteen minutes, and then rinse it out and VOILA! gorgeous locks once again!!

thanks kim k for helping us with fabulous transformation tips!!

and thanks cocoperez for the pics!

boo narcs

so apparently the leighton meester video's no longer online... anywhere.

boo to the narcs who pulled it down.

JUST LET IT BE!!!!!!!!!!!

welll.... til it comes back, here's just the musak:

girl crushes

my current girl crushes are diane kruger and leighton meester.

both have insane of-the-moment fashion senses... and diane happens to be date pacey, i mean joshua jackson, who playyyyed the infamous pacey on dawson's creek... which, now that i'm thinking about it, is like the opposite of gossips girl, while at the same time being the EXACTLY THE SAME AS GOSSIP GIRL. hmmmm so i guess that answers my question regarding if i'll ever grow out of watching high school dramas... nevah evahhh.

here they are at the met. YUM on both accounts. they just look so sharp... kinda awks, but still unequivocally sharp.

n-e-wayzzz i love diane, but it is leighton's new music video that i'm drooling over this morning.

as she says in the songgg

je t'adore. je t'adore.

i'd rate it NSFW (not safe for work) even though there's nothing explicitly NSFW.

i love it because her outfits (costumes in this case?) are so gorgeous. her lips and accompanying lipsticks are delectable. she's just unapologetically sexy and the song is perfectly dancey and ROBIN THICKE?!?!? ahhhh i love him. and not just because he looks SO much like his dad. HA!

playing. all day. on repeat. happy monday!!

smell ya later

SMYLA: stop dousing yourself in too much perfume. yeesh. a little goes a long way.

i've been interviewing my toukus off this week and i've barely worn any. you never know who your smell may be offending (ummm and this totes goes for general LIFE as well... once i had to have the SUPER FUN conversation with this consultant i was working with about ways to keep from reeking of BO. ugghhhhhh.) anyway, you really shouldn't wear much if any perfume to interviews, fyi.

however, i do advocate having a signature scent.

jessica simpson came out with her second scent this summer... fancy love.

i think this is one of the stupidest names for a perfume ever... but i think my friend nikki said it best...

anyway, i haven't smelled it yet, but i think when choosing a new scent you must be extremely diligent about your research. if you're going to be wearing it every day with every outfit (MUCH LIKE A HANDBAG, NON???!?!?!?!!!) it needs to be great.

go to sephora. smelllll itttt uppppppp.

go to nice department stores. they often know sooo much and will know if you like one scent, what else you'll like... and hopefully be able to turn you onto a scent that no one else is wearing!!

smell ya later.

i heart handbags

ok so i'm a snob.

this is not a newsflash to those who know me. so i like nice things, suuueeee meeeeeee.

while i'm not a snob about everything when it comes to fashion (hellllooo forever 21), there are some things about which i just cannot NOT be a snob... and one of those things is bags.

here's the thing about purses, handbags, whatever: you wear one with EVERY outfit, so it should be (has to be) THAT much better than anything else in your closet!

you can literally be wearing your PAJAMAS to the grocery store to be buying a jar of peanut butter and a bag of M&M's (don't ask) but if you are carrying a classic louis vuitton, say no more! you will never be mistaken for a homeless person, just a very lazy person who is clearly so fabulous you can't even be bothered with real pants... hmmmm this has become an exaggerated example.

so here's one of the many things i have learned about bags:

your handbag's shape should be the opposite of your shape

now WWWHHHAAAATTTT does that mean??

it means, that if you're round(-ish shaped, i mean) then your handbag should be VERY STRUCTURED. if you're very slim and angular, your handbag should be BIG, SOFT and SLOUCHY.

examples of a wonderbar structured bag by kate spade for round people:

and now a beautiful badgley mischka hobo bag i found at saks for all you pointy people:

now, as far as size goes, your bag must 1. be practical for your life.

yes, that's right! i'm for ONCE advocating practicality.

whhhyyyy though? because MULTIPLE MULTIPLE handbags are a no no. you should never plan to carry more than two bags unless you're coming home from the grocery store!! if you do, that means you don't own the right bags for your life... an excuse to go shopping??? OOKKKAAYYY!!!!

anyway, 2. the size of your bag should be similar to your size!! if you're extra-large, and you're carrying an teensy tiny purse, GUESS WHAT?? you're making yourself look EVEN BIGGER!!! and visa versa, if you're a tiny li'l bit carrying a ginormous bag, you're going to look even more like a pre-teen just WAITING to hit that growth spurt.

more to come because i can't help but heart handbags....

this is how we do it

let's just say....

it was a GREAT halloween.

what, your dad wasn't a floating genie, you weren't a troll doll, your brother wasn't luigi and your mom wasn't a jester from the front and a princess from the back???

YOUR family sounds WEIRD.