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Ladies everywhere, no matter how they’re dressed, have the ability to attract a few douchebags with little effort. However, there are certain looks, brands and silhouettes that are sure to send unnaturally muscular, heavily tanned and offensively cologned men your way. To help steer single women away from such a disaster, we present you with 12 Outfits That are Sure to Attract a Douchebag.1.
Nothing says Mrs. Douchebag like a sinfully busy Ed Hardy Tee. With an equally busy name, the Shoulder Tank True Love Anchor Cross (whew!), is among the better looking designs we could find. Designer Christian Audigier’s name is emblazoned on the top three times, which isn’t such a bad thing because it takes the attention away from the lacing along the shoulder.2.
There is just something about rhinestones that attracts douchebags with magnetic force. The Rhinestone 3/4 Sleeved Dress’s glimmering strips along the arms and bold eggplant color, will draw him in. The deep V neck and body hugging skirt will keep him around….for the night.3.
One way to attract a few class acts is to wear a top that talks about your boobs. This tank by Hustler Clothing calls attention to the authenticity of your rack – even better! The Women’s Plastic Beater explains that you dropped some serious cash on breast augmentation. But really, the underlying statement screams: “I’m serious about finding love a douchebag.”4.
While we’ve come to terms with jumpsuits and rompers after seeing a few truly chic versions, this one is all sorts of wrong. This type of high keyhole neckline always manages to raise a few douche flags. Pair that with the romper style, bold elastic waistline and leopard print and the chances of attracting jaeger bomb wielding gents increases significantly.5.
Banded bottom tops and dresses seem to have a hard time remaining tasteful. The Deep V Neck Top from Baby Phat is no exception. Of course, the dangerously deep neckline adorned with a ‘cat in a heart’ hardware doesn’t help its respectability factor. A gold screen printed pattern featuring rhinestones completes the douchebag friendly look.6.
Sequins, pyramid shaped studs and embroidered lips on the back pockets. Need we say more? The (exclusive) Rebel Kiss RZR Jean by Akademiks also feature some serious color distressing and a slim, slouchy leg. Unfortunately, there are few tops that would bring down the douche-hunting factor of these jeans down a notch.7.
The Rock n Roll Paradise Oversized Dress by Trash & Luxury has all the makings of a douche-tacular night at the club. The tapered, banded skirt allows for maximum booty popping while the extra wide sleeves take fist pumping to the next level. We’d address the print, but other than a few stars and stripes, we have absolutely no idea what’s going on here.8.
Coordinating velour sweatsuits have been winning the hearts of comfort-loving douchebags for years now. No brand can create a cheesy (or cougar-friendly) version quite like Juicy Couture. The Horse Shield Logo Hoodie (pants sold separately) does not disappoint. Gold and silver sequins and an equestrian-inspired logo shield add just the right amount of “pizazz” to an already struggling ensemble.9.
Take a menswear-inspired shirt (very of the moment), slut it up with copious amounts of ruffles, puffed sleeves and leave several buttons undone. What do you get? A professional douche’s dream. Don’t let the Ruffle-Front Shirt from Victoria’s Secret as seen here with suspenders fool you – worn in this manner – it is not an office-friendly look.10.
Leggings solid or patterned, cropped or long will once again be a staple come fall. This pair, featuring the word “Sinful” along the front, most certainly will not. Called the Panther Crawl Leggings, we’re assuming that is the name of the move you’ll be inclined to do after slipping them on. We can picture it now: sinful little ladies crawling around growling like a feline in order to attract a douche in heat.11.
Rocker chic cutouts at the shoulders, sides and sleeves are in the spotlight right now. This version is just a tiny bit confused. An appropriately placed cutouts done right (and preferably by Alexander Wang or Vena Cava), can transform a piece from basic to edgy. The Mock Neck Cold Shoulder Sweater, with its ‘faux’ turtleneck and banded bottom is more barfly chic than rock and roll.12.
Momma always said, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” This shirt may only be offering hugs, but when you attract a douchebag, one hug leads to another and before you know it you’re making out during The Fast and the Furious Part 5. The Free Hugs French Terry Hoodie from Victoria’s Secret’s Pink Collection may be somewhat cute, but this series as a whole (particularly the butt messages) seem to attract more douchebags than a two for one sale at Hollywood Tans.
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