who am i kidding??! i live in washington, dc for pete's sake!!! i LOVE OBAMA!!!!!!!!so, as i am standing in line getting ready to vote, i have to admit i was pretty excited! i thought i might actually be voting for the WINNING candidate... i mean, i didn't know for sure who would win, obbbbviously, but having voted for the liberal candidate in every presidential election since i was 18, my guy had never won!!
anyway, i get to the front of the line, and tell the volunteer that my last name is BERNGARTT. B-E-R-N, like burn victim but burn with an E, then GARTT, like garter belt, but with two T's.
she's looking, looking, looking...(yes, I'm sure it's B-E, not B-U i tell her)... to no avail. i'm not listed! my chances of voting in the most exciting presidential election probably in my entire lifetime just got squashed!!!
she directs over to the misfits line, another line where i have to both vote and register, because i'm not listed in her little book. so i'm starting to get a tad nervous, wondering how being in this "special" line will effect my vote.
always prepared, i whip out my voter registration card to see that i'm in the right voting place, etc... and what do i find?
that CLAIRE BERNGARTT isn't registered to vote... CLAIRE BEMGANT is.
crap.
bemmmgannnnt? seriously???
i registered to vote via a check of a box when i got my DC drivers licence, so if they got my name right on my DL, why not on my voter registration??
so i put on my thinking cap in the rejects line and think...... and it comes to me.
because of my (excellent, if i do say so myself) penmanship, when i write berngartt, i sometimes connect the r and n, which could look like an m, and i connect the r and the t, which would look like an n, with the last t's cross just looking too long... (ok, so maybe my "excellent" penmanship failed me this one time...)
and it was at that moment that Detective Bemgant, was born.
eventually when i got to the front of my short bus line, in the same fell swoop i both changed my name from bemgant to berngartt and cast my vote to help prez obama win DC by 93%.
since that fine day, detective bemgant has been able to solve many a crime, such as, what broke in the dishwasher? (a glass.) where is the lock to our back gate ? (i accidentally took it to my car, whoops.) and what smells so bad in the fridge (old spinach.) it's a blessing and curse to be have detective bemgant constantly on the case- so detail oriented, yet no true crimes to challenge such a successful detective... untillll
DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNNNNN
the case of the PERFORATED PERFUME!!!!!
ok, so my roommate lizzard used to wear Dolce & Gabbana's Light Blue, until last week when she made the leap to D&G's new 3 l'Impératrice Eau de Toilette... don't ask me what that french means, basically they have all these new perfumes in random-seeming numbers... (they're both super yummy, clean, refreshing scents, by the way).
then, when lizzard went to use a spritz of her old light blue, she picked up the bottle but one corner stuck to the table and BAM!- the bottle broke along an arbitrary line and the rest of the perfume just poured out!!
it was as if the perfume melted through the glass bottle and fused the bottle itself to the painted wood of the table... which, is, at the least, improbable, and at the most, quite obviously impossible!!see exhibit A: the fused corner
the words at the bottom even came off?!???
and getting that corner off the table took MORE than a little bit of elbow grease.
see exhibit B: the perforated perfumebut you know what?? no worries. detective bemgant's on the case.
and ms. liz and i already figured it out...
light blue was jealous of 3 and COMMITTED SUICIDE.
case cracked!
point is, you need a go-to scent, be it perfume, lotion, or after shave- everybody loves somebody who smells good!!!
long-winded way to get to that, eh?
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